How did I get here? 30,000 feet in the air, sicker than I had ever been, and without pants? Was this real life or a real bad dream?
At first, my flight from Hyderabad to Abu Dhabi was perfect. No problems. I then had 12 grueling hours in the airport with a layover. They were grueling because I was an inexperienced traveler and didn't think ahead. I eventually forked over $40 bucks to eat and shower in a premium lounge. Worth it. The food was awesome and the shower was MUCH needed.
Soon enough I was boarding my plane to Dulles International in Washington DC. Now, in India I didn't exactly follow all the rules. There was water I probably shouldn't have drank, raw vegetables I didn't see them wash, and I often forgot to use the sanitation wipes after washing my hands. Still, I never got sick. Not once. Definitely felt pretty invincible.
Then came the airline food. Chicken and rice to be exact. It was actually pretty delicious. After dinner had been served and the lights dimmed I settled in to watch a movie. About an hour later it felt like someone reached into my stomach and twisted. It. Hurt. So, recalling my mom's advice when we were kids, I went to the bathroom. The second my bottom touched the toilet seat diarrhea began flowing like lava. Painful but also a bit relieving.
After I got back to my seat, I felt renewed. It seemed the worst was behind me. Oh! How wrong was I! About an hour later, I felt the same pain in my stomach with added nausea this time. I knew I was about to vomit. So, grabbing the barf bag, I headed back to the toilet once again and lost all I had eaten the couple hours prior. I would go back and forth between the bathroom and my seat for the majority of the flight. Alternating between vomit and diarrhea it became clear to me I had food poisoning. Bad food poisoning.
Roughly 8 hours into my 14 hour flight I was once again in the lavatory dry heaving. Nothing more was coming up. I was spent. Anyone that's ever vomited (which is everyone alive) knows how your head is in a kind of haze when vomiting or dry heaving. This is from the lack of oxygen getting to the brain. In my haze at 30,000 feet I could have sworn that liquid was running down my legs. I brushed it off as an hallucination. After my head cleared I stood up from being on my knees. Liquid shot down my legs and I dropped back to my knees in a panic. This isn't happening. This isn't happening. This isn't happening. Was all that ran through my head. Nope. It was real. I had diarrhea-ed myself right there on the plane.
Freaking out, I quickly peeled my pants off and cleaned myself. Once that was done, I took my polo off and wrapped it around my waist. I was so nervous at this point I was shaking. I opened the door a crack and stuck my hand out. Flapping it wildly about and asking for help; I must have looked ridiculous. Eventually a South Korean stewardess came to my aid with a big trash bag and two airline blankets (that I still have to this day). I put the clothes in the trash bag (threw them away as soon as we landed) and made a makeshift blanket skirt for me to wear. When I stepped out into the main cabin, I was mortified to say the least. After I left the lavatory, a stewardess had taken a bottle of hand sanitizer and was sloshing it all around the bathroom a la a priest performing an exorcism with holy water.
Upon landing, I found my gate and across from it was a store with pajama pants hanging just outside it. I was saved! You know where this is going right? All the pants were for teenage girls. Pink, plaid, and with "America" written in big feminine block letters across the buttocks. Beggars can't be choosers. I bought the biggest pair and rocked them for my last flight from DC to DFW.
When I was picked up from the airport, my mom made the comment, "Well, you uh dressed comfortably for the flight." Blushing I halfheartedly told her to shut up and that I would tell her more in the car. I told her this tale on the way home.
So concludes my story of my India experience and of the Lord's humbling me. Next time will be a new topic. Look for it!
May the Lord bless you and keep you. May He make His face shine upon you and give you peace.
That's all for now travelers. See ya next time!
Kenneth